The Cruel Price Of Victory: Part 1: A Quick Way Out
by DarcieRogue13
Summary: Rynnthera Hawke has fled Lothering, the only place she has truly known as home, with what remains of her family. A Refugee in Kirkwall with no coin and little hope, she's sworn to protect what's hers. She'll survive the only way she knows how but will it be enough to keep the promises she's made? Dragon Age world, Thedas, Female Rogue Hawke/Anders
1. Chapter 1: So What's A Year

Disclaimer: Rated M for language, violence and some sexual content. I do not own anything it all belongs to Bioware from Dragon Age II!

**Chapter 1: So What's A Year**

It's a dark starless night in Kirkwall's Hightown, two dark figures wait in the shadows of the courtyard, to the richest estates in the city. One of the figures a tall muscular man with steel gray eyes, turns to the woman next to him and mutters "perfect night to get ambushed."

"And you wish we were doing the ambushing" she smirked, regarding her companion who is handsomely tanned despite their work primarily taking place at night. Always one to prefer the killing to the protecting and who could blame him the nobleman they were escorting to his ship had been suspected of selling slaves, having had to pay handsomely for the protection of the Red Iron, Meeran would've seen to that. With a sigh Rynn leans back against a pillar it had been a long day. A long week, a long year.

Actually, not a year. _Eleven months, since we were allowed into Kirkwall and put into servitude._

"Relax Haldmar, I thought you liked killing" Rynn joked pulling her cowl up to cover her face, knowing little about him other than how good he is at hitting where and when it hurts most, exposing vulnerabilities and his cold calculation in the fight. which has proved more than helpful on their various jobs._ Maybe he could teach me a few things were he so inclined._

After waiting for what seemed like hours, but was probably more like minutes a tall slender man dressed in the best Kirkwall finery approached them with 2 heavily armed men. "Only 2" he exclaimed with a worried look on his arrogant face.

"What were you expecting, a mercenary orgy" Rynn coughed

"HAWKE" Haldmar exclaimed.

"I didn't pay you to talk you stinking dog lord and you better be worth the price, I expect to get to my ship in one piece with my guards." the nobleman spat. Haldmar turned and began to lead the noble and his guards toward the bridge to Lowtown, Hawke covering the rear biting her tongue.

As they approached the docks a group of large armed men blocked their way, their leader stepping towards Haldmar who had put a few steps between himself and the 'cargo'. Rynn stepped over to stand beside her companion, noticing there were 5 men and 2 archers. Bethany who had been following at a distance and was still hidden, would take out the archers in the event a fight did break out, which chances were was going to be soon,. That left the 2 rogues like them and a swordsman who would no doubt put up a good fight.

"Give us the noble and you won't have any trouble" the leader sneered.

"it's too bad I like trouble" Rynn answered.

The leader turned his attention toward her noticing that she was fairly tall and slightly curved even under her shapeless leather cuirass. "Well then after we kill your friend and your cargo I'll be sure to show you some" he leered at her signaling his men to attack and unsheathing his claymore he advanced on her.

The first archer was down frozen in place like a statue before he had the chance to notch an arrow; the second had enough time to lose an arrow at Haldmar which caught him in the top of the shoulder slowing him before he assassinated the rogue he had been fighting.

Rynn rushed the rogue knocking him over and giving her time to quickly backstab the other bigger warrior who although shocked at her speed didn't seem to notice the blood spilling from his wound on to her dagger and as she pulled it out of his back spraying across her body, she dodged his lethargic swing and followed with an explosive strike which earned her the kill and more blood to cover her arms.

Meanwhile the rogue having gotten back up snuck in behind Rynn and stabbed her through the right shoulder as she pulled away from the warrior's corpse just in time to hear Haldmar yell "Hawke" as he rushed to finish him off, but it was too late as the rogue pulled his blade from her shoulder she could feel the blood drip down her chest and back like thick sweat.

Haldmar came toward her concerned that she's lost too much blood but she laughs it off as only a flesh wound, in any case it isn't as bad as his in addition to taking an arrow in his shoulder he's also singed his arms from getting too close to the archer Bethany had set on fire, and the burns look bad. Which Bethany immediately notices and exclaims oh no I did that to you, Haldmar assuring her that she didn't hit him he just got to close to the one that was already on fire, this calming making her feel better, _sweet Bethany never wants to hurt anyone._

"Ah Thera….I liked this job better when we were just the back up and didn't have to kill people" Bethany whined Rynn laughed, she knows Bethany means it, _working as a mercenary was never going to be easy on Bethany, but working for Athenrial wasn't an option either, the slim Elf was slippery and you couldn't predict whereas Leering Meeran as terrible mercenary work was for Bethy at least Rynn could predict Meeran. _Because of their success they had been given the bigger jobs.

_At least my Bethy in unscathed_

"There's a healer in the undercity," said Haldmar. Bethany is avoiding looking at her sister now. She's unnerved by blood, especially when that blood is Rynn's, and if Haldmar is suggesting a healer, then there must be a lot of blood.

"It's not that bad I Promise, he only got me once" Rynn said forcing a laugh "besides we have a job to finish, you go Bethy and I can handle it"

"Promise me you'll have it looked at before I see you again, all right? I know how you are."

"That depends. Will I be seeing you soon?" She shifts to peer up at him through messy Bangs that are now plastered to her face with sweat her cowl had slipped from her face and head during the fight.

"I...," a smile crosses his lips. "I hope so."

Another sarcastic grin is all he receives in return. He must find it a satisfactory response because he turns away to go see the healer.

Rynn turned to the noble declaring "See worth every copper" they escorted the noble to the ship docked in the next row.

"Do you really like him, Thera?" Bethany joins her on the dock. "of course not but I wasn't going to kill him Meeran would be so pissed and we already owe him a month I'm not adding more time onto… she trails off as she realises Bethy is talking about Haldmar and she decides to not answer her sister's question. _She doesn't know if she really likes the steel gray eyed tanned faced assassin or if she's just flattered by his attention, or just likes the thought of his hands on her…_ Rynn shakes her head and they set to the gory task of cleaning up. Looting because Meeran didn't pay well as they already owed him the year, after the girls took what valuables they could find With practiced precision, the Hawke sisters swing the dead man out and into the water, the splash from his impact coating their boots in saltwater.

"One down, four to go," Bethany wipes her hands together, almost absentmindedly, and Rynn realizes they are coated in blood.

* * *

As the sun began to rise the sisters made their way to the Lowtown market which despite the early hours was abuzz with activity, which Rynn hates at the best of times, let alone in the wee hours of the morning while she's covered in blood and exhausted. But it's important that they sell their loot before they return home as their mother barley approves of their current profession let alone looting bodies, she might never let Bethany out again.

After selling their loot they make their way toward the Alley leading to Gamlen's hovel which they unfortunately have been calling home for the past 11 months, Rynn Leaning on Bethany for support.

"Makers breath Thera" Bethany breathes, "Mother is going to kill us for coming home looking like this"

"No, mother is going to kill me for letting you half carry me home like this"

"Your delirious" Bethany giggles "and right"

"Hawke" the voice startles both women although Rynn doubts it has quite the same effect on Bethany as it does her.

"Haldmar" Rynn turns to face him and the world starts to spin.

"Thera!"

Two pairs of hands catch her and they both look her over with concern. "I knew you should have come with me" Haldmar exclaimed while pulling a vial out of his pack, "you're in luck see I told the Healer I had a friend who was too stubborn to go see a healer even though she'd taken a knife to the shoulder, so he gave me this"

He opens a container and Rynn can smell the warm scent of medicinal herbs, and the distinct aroma of a spring rain storm.

"mmmm" she breaths as she unbuckles her cuirass and slides it off her shoulder so that Bethany can get the mixture on. "I want to live in there."

"She's delirious," Bethany reasserts her earlier assessment, trying hard to not flinch at the sight of Rynn's injury and failing. "I can't…... Can you do this?"

Haldmar complies rubbing the mixture onto the wound. Rynn opens her eyes when the poultice seeps into the wound and then seems to suck the pain that had settled in most _everywhere_ right out of her body.

"Potent, isn't it?" Haldmar finished, and he moved her shirt back to where it should be, his fingertips deliberately dragging along her throat as he does. Between him and the poultice, she's feeling less like falling over and more like... "I keep a room at The Sleeping Seamen. It's not too far from here, just past low town on the docks."

He speaks in a rush, too fast and too low for Bethany to catch and his hand is lingering close to her as is his hopeful smile when Rynn nods, not quite willing to confirm aloud what they'd just agreed to.

"Let me take Bethany home first, maybe wash off...oh. _Some_ of the blood and gore. The rest will just have to be bandaged."

_Home, _and Leandra is exasperated at the state of her daughters and their clothing, blood stains are hard to wash out, she frets over Rynn's shoulder wound before commenting on the poultice. "It smells nice"

Leandra sweeping Rynn's bangs away from her face as her mouth turns down disapproving of the way her daughter wears her hair "you should be more careful Rynnthera, one of these days Bethany will try to save you and…."

"Did I bet money on that Bethy?" Rynn laughs as she looks over at her sister who has settled herself in a comfy chair on the corner of the room who shakes her head "I should have, mother you're so predictable"

"you know how I worry" Leandra says as her eyes mist over remembering, and Rynn feels the ach of guilt and wishes that for once she could keep her mouth shut. "And being here alone as Gamlen and Scruffy are out of town for a few more days, and seeing that Templar…"

"WHAT!" Rynn and Bethany both exclaim together Bethany heading for the closet with a false backing which Gamlen had made in the event he had to hide from one of his many debt collectors but would do the trick in the event the chantry or Templers ever came looking.

"Where and when, Mother," it takes Rynn three strides to cross the room and bar the door. "And what does he look like?"

Leandra describes the man as Rynn positions herself next to the door, which is where she'll stay, until Gamlen returns with Scruffy. Bethany tries to remind her about her promise to Haldmar, but she dismisses the idea with a scowl, "He'll understand," "And if he doesn't, then he's an ass." Rynn leans back and winces as her shoulder presses against the door frame. The poultice helps but is no cure; she'll still have to be careful until it's healed.

"Besides I'd be the worst sister in the world if I wandered off for..." Rynn rolls her eyes to avoid any awkwardness. "Besides, you're the only proof I have that I'm not _completely_ terrible. I think even Mother would quit me if something happened to you."

"That's not true!" Leandra sounds genuinely hurt by this, so Rynn decides it best not to suggest another bet. Instead she slips into readiness, waiting for the slightest scrape of activity in the hallway beyond the door, or for the scent of Chantry incense and sweat soaked undergarments to waft through the cracks in the door.

It's one thing for the Templars to catch them out in the streets, or in the market. But this is their _home_, and mages aren't supposed to have homes and people they love that love them in return. They believe they should be locked up to keep themselves and everyone safe, but **no one** should be locked up and kept from family for an accident of birth.

Rynn keeps her daggers at her side ready for anything. Convinced of their safety, Leandra goes about her chores and Bethany prepares herself for bed. Normal routines for normal people, and one curious man in a metal suit could destroy it all.


	2. Chapter 2: An Offer You Can't Refuse

**Chapter 2: An Offer You Can't Refuse!**

"NO! Andrastes titts human, you know how many people want to hire onto this expedition?" Bartrand an angry dwarf spat at the Hawke sisters.

"But we heard you're going into the deep roads." Bethany pleaded "Surely you'll need all the help you can…."

"NO! You're too late! Already done! This is the sort of adventure that can make a man for life! I'm not about to take any chances hiring random humans" Bartrand explained.

"We've fought and killed Darkspawn, how many of your hired men can say the same" exclaimed Rynn trying to use her most diplomatic voice, for once not letting her mouth get the better of her as this was important.

"Get in line human, half of Kirkwall wants to be my best friend. You're looking for a quick way out of the slums right? You and every other Ferelden in this dump, Find another meal ticket" he spat walking away.

Rynn and Bethany turned to each other, seeing the fearful expression on her sisters face Rynn jokes "don't worry Bethy I won't let any big bad Templars find you"

"It's not a joke if the Templars find me the best I can hope for is to be locked up for the rest of my life, if they don't kill me outright."

Rynn gives Bethany a reassuring look, she knows how hard it was growing up. Bethany struggling to keep her magic a secret a fearful gift and all she wanted was a normal life, and if Rynn had anything so say about it, she would give Bethany a normal life here in Kirkwall, she remembers:

_ playing a game of tag in a meadow, a large intimidating monster of a man covered in metal steps out into the clearing "Well what do we have here?" he bellows, Bethany only 6 at the time was so scared _

_"Bethy Run!" Rynn yells putting herself between the Templar and Bethany, _

_The Templar looks down at the girl child in front of him no more than 9 brandishing a knife at him while the younger mage child runs away._

_"You can't have them" Rynn growls she remembers Fathers warnings but all she can think of is her promises to protect her Bethy and her Carver._

_"How will a little thing like you stop me?" the Templar asks as he grabs a hold of her long auburn hair digging his gauntlets into her scalp as he does. Rynn brings the knife up swinging at the man, managing to slash him across the face, biting her lip at the pain in her head. This only manages to slightly startle the man, he's angry at her now, drawing his sword and holding it to her throat. "Now you're going to tell me where you live and, I'll only take that Apostate Father and sister of yours" _

_Rynn, tears streaming down her face kicks out with her foot making the Templar laugh at her feeble attempts to free herself. _

_The next thing she can remember is blood streaming hot all the way to her stomach and her father kneeling over her telling her that it was just a scratch as he runs one rough fingertip along the place where it hurts most, she can see blue, but there is no comfort seeping into her, alarming as blue is usually followed by comfort._

_ "Stay with me Rynnthera" one hand holding her face the other trembling draws a line across the spot on her throat again. Looking into the green eyes that are her father's Rynn can see that he is worried but also that he is disappointed, disappointed in her. _

_But not because the Templar was dead, because of why he had come, she had known she shouldn't have been playing in the meadow and she knew better than to convince Bethany to use magic and they had been seen._

_This is the lesson she must learn. "This is why we worry, and this is why we keep to ourselves. This is why we run, because there are men who would try to force their will upon another and hurt whoever they can to do so."_

_"it's going to be ok my brave little Rynn" Father stands and scoops her up, settling her against his chest and this time the blue light brings comfort and everything is almost right again._

_Almost right because part of her is as lost as the dead Templar they leave behind them- that part that allowed her sister to play, the part that allowed them to be seen. She's young but she knows what she did was wrong. She also knows it's why dinner is eaten in tense silence and sleep is not found in a familiar bed but hours later than normal, bouncing between Bethany and Carver in the back of a borrowed wagon and on a road to someplace else. Father tells her it's all right because they're all together, but Rynn can see it on his face._

_Disappointment._

"What are we supposed to do now, we've got nothing to stop the next person who tries to sell us out. This expedition was our last chance….." Bethany moaned brining Rynn back to the present

"We need coin, status something we can hide behind, as long as we're just refugees were no one… Sigh…Maybe Gamlen knows someone who can talk to Bartrand for us…"

"Our uncles not exactly the most reliable tool in the shed"

"He's all we've got. Maker save us, we might as well ask. Otherwise I don't know what we'll do" Bethany breathed with a defeated look on her face.

As they turn to leave Hightown a red haired boy bumps into them and Rynn feels him grab her coin purse "Hey" she yells after him but before she can react she hears a cross bow fire and the bolt anchors the thief into the wall while a Dwarf takes her coin purse from the boy removing his crossbow bolt and punching the lad in the face. The Dwarf then turns toward Rynn tossing the coin purse at her as he introduces himself.

"How do you do? Varric Tethras at your service" says the blond dwarf with a large crossbow and the hairiest chest Rynn has ever seen sticking out of his well-oiled leather duster, twirling the crossbow bolt in his finger before putting it away. "I apologise for Bartrand he wouldn't know an opportunity if it hit him square in the jaw"

"But you would?" Rynn asks one eye brow cocked, as this dwarf definitely knew how to make an entrance.

"I would!" he answers. "What my brother doesn't realize is that we need someone like you, he would never admit it either – he's too proud, I however, am quite practical"

"You're going Offaly far out of your way just to hire another guard"

"We don't need another hireling, we need a partner, the truth is Bartrand has been tearing his beard out trying to fund this expedition, but he can't do it… Invest in the expedition, fifty sovereigns and he can't refuse you, not with me there to vouch for you"

"We'll work together you and I and you'll have the capital in no time.. What do you say?"

"You Have a deal" Rynn agreed feeling optimistic, not like she had a better plan and this was an offer she really couldn't refuse, she had to keep Bethany safe, she had promised_ alw__ays no matter what_.

* * *

"Aveline Vallen! Just the guardswoman I've been looking for," she exclaims as she throws her arms out at the back of a red-headed tower of a woman.

A red-headed tower of a woman who _ignores_ her.

"So _that's_ just rude. I came all this way to see you, and you're more interested in a…" her nose wrinkles as she tries to read the parchment sheet posted just beyond Aveline's heavily pauldronded shoulder.

"It's a _duty roster_, Hawke, and I'm not ignoring you," Aveline still doesn't turn around. "I _just_ saw you."

Rynn considers the past few weeks; most of it had been spent tying up her year with the Red Iron working her last few jobs.

"It's been weeks….at least a week, I think. It doesn't matter, though, because I miss you so, Lady Vallen."

"Don't start with me," Aveline whips her head to fix Rynn with a stern look. "And you're right. We haven't spoken for a while, but that doesn't mean I haven't been keeping an eye on you and _not_ liking some of the things I'm seeing. Watch yourself around that Bartrand fellow. I've not heard one good thing about him, or the company he keeps."

"Excusing the fact that you've been spying on us again, Bartrand's brother isn't that bad. Have you _met _Varric, by the way?"

Both women turn to the dwarf who is standing a fair distance away, beside a clearly uncomfortable Bethany. They are both positioned near the doorway to the main barracks and, while she's looking like she would rather disappear, he has his head held _just_ so, as if he is tuning himself to the world around him.

"I've _heard_ of him, enough to know that it's probably not the best idea to let him be _eavesdropping_ in the barracks."

This brings Varric in, his face brightening in defense.

"Eavesdropping," he waves off Aveline's accusation with a scoff. "Such an ugly word. I am simply…gathering resources."

"With his ears!" Rynn winks turning to Aveline, a smile twisting the corner of her mouth up. "_Completely_ on the level."

"We'll see about that." Aveline replies with a slow shake of her head, "I might have some work for you Hawke. If you're interested. I'd assume that's why you're here, but it's hard to tell with you."

Rynn _did_ have a tendency to just _show_ up, sister in tow, to give Aveline a hard time. Or to _pretend_ to give Aveline a hard time, while Aveline pretended that she hated every second of it. The truth was, both were looking for reassurance in the other.

"Your suspicion is a correct one…about us looking for work; we're trying to make money to partner with Bartrand on his expedition. Varric thinks fifty sovereigns and some secret Grey Warden knowledge of the Deep Roads will get us in."

"Is _that_ all?" The smirk Rynn gives Aveline in response is knowing, and the older woman can only shake her head. "I have no idea how you plan on earning that kind of coin, or whether I want you to succeed at all. However, you're the best person to help me out."

"So you'll be enabling these mad schemes? I _would_ ask what you did with my Aveline, but I know better than to question good fortune."

"No you don't, and it's like I said. You're the best person for this. An ambush up Sundermount, there are no caravans scheduled but it doesn't matter highwaymen waiting for someone to rob I'm putting a stop to it, Give me a few minutes and I'll head out with you," she turns on her heel to return to the barracks.

"Friendly," Varric gives up his_ resource gathering_ and he and Bethany follow Rynn into the grand foyer of the Viscount's Keep. "Although I'll admit it. I would _not_ want to cross that woman."

"Oh, she's not so bad," Rynn offer as her shoulders lift in a small shrug. "And she might come in handy if this Grey Warden turns out to be less than cooperative."

"Not even, Hawke," Aveline has emerged, "I refuse to challenge a Grey Warden. That's not a fight any of us can win."

"Ah, not _any_ of us, Aveline. _All_ of us."

"My ass." Aveline grumbles disapprovingly

Rynn laughs at this receiving a glare form Aveline.

* * *

The group approaches what might as well be a shack near the Lowtown square, a sign painted above the door reads, Lirene's Ferelden Imports. This is where the proprietor supposedly has information on a Grey Warden, who might have an entrance into the deep roads, so many if's, Rynn doesn't feel optimistic anymore. She notices a donation box at the front and finds herself dropping a few silver into it, with a pang of guilt. She is glad Mother and Bethy escaped a fate similar to that of the many refugees they see inside the dank little shack.

They wait for an hour before it is their turn to approach the woman who seems to be in charge. "If you're seeking aid leave you name with my girl, we help everyone here…but I can't give priority to anyone who's already found work and logging" an older woman with caring tired eyes addresses Rynn.

"I hear you know where I can find a Ferelden Grey Warden" Rynn asked hesitantly

"Only Ferelden Grey Warden I've heard of is sitting on the throne, were out of the blights path now, why would you need a Warden" she replies in an angry tone. Luckily for Rynn Fereldens are always listening in on other people's conversations just on the off chance there might be something interesting to gossip about. The petite woman standing next to them was no different. She pipes up "the healer was one of them once. Wasn't he, a Warden?" Lirene glares at the woman "Well, he's not now and busy enough without answering fool questions about it" she scoffs with a harsh voice.

"Well then I will only ask very smart question" Rynn jokes trying to lighten the mood, earning her a glare from Aveline

"I do not joke Serah" Lirene retorts "you see what our people face in Kirkwall, they have no jobs, no homes, most can hardly buy bread. This healer, he serves them without thought for coin, he's closed their wounds and delivered their children" Lirene sounds almost proud.

"And yet he needs to hide" Aveline whispers suspiciously to Hawke

"He's a good man. I won't lose him to the blighted Templars" she growls

"We would never turn someone over to the Templars, mistress" Bethany pleads giving her saddest eyes _Giving, as if she doesn't mean every word she says_. "Never."

"Tell me he has killer eyes and a nice smile and I'll marry him on the spot" Rynn expects another rebuke but instead the woman laughs "As it happens he's got the eyes but I've never seen him smile, it has always seemed like he must have lost more than the rest of us. I suppose you can seek him out, Anders certainly hasn't tuned anyone else away. Look for the lit lantern in Darktown if you have need enough Anders will be within"

As they leave the shop Varric musses out loud "Is Anders even a _name_?" "I thought it was a people. Like Antivan, or Rivaini or Ferelden."

"I think that falls under the realm of stupid questions, Varric, and bless her, Hawke has promised to not ask any of those." Aveline reminds them

"He'll have to tell her if they get married." Bethany suggests raising one black eyebrow in amusement, and fixing her sister with a _look_. "I think we should place wagers on this."

"On what?" Rynn is confused for a moment, then warmth spills across her cheeks as she realizes what they are talking about. "Andraste's _ass_, Bethany."

"No, I think Sunshine is right," his hand already on his coin purse, "Maybe we should take this to the Hanged Man, get some of the regulars involved."

"Why would they want to?" _The idea of anyone betting on her love life is amusing. Flames, the idea of her having a love life to bet on would be hysterical if it wasn't so pathetic_. "Besides, it's too subjective. One person's killer eyes are another person's..._killer_ eyes. And there might be a _reason_ he never smiles, besides surrounding himself with sick refugees, and living in a sewer."

The coin purse is abandoned. "You're no fun anymore, Hawke."

Aveline's completely thrown, "Anymore? How long have the two of you known each other?"

"As of right now?" Varric shrugs. "Two days. Almost exactly."

An older greasy man interrupts them and they realize they're surrounded by a group of at least eight, armed men most of whom are wearing leather breastplates. "We heard you talking in there" he accosts them "Asking about the Healer, we know what happens to mages in this town and it ain't gonna happen to him"

"Look we're Fereldens trying to keep out of the Templars sight just like you" Bethany answers in a calming tone.

_Great, Bethy, why not announce to _everyone_ here that you're a mage? _

But it works. The man, although startled by her admission, withdraws slipping back into an alley that runs past the foundries.

"Remember Rynn No stupid questions" _I know how you can be_; Aveline's eyes say it all. "I have no stake in this; I just don't want to hear them."

Bethany then begins to voice her concern over being seen with another apostate, _and it's probably a good thing if he doesn't know anything about her either_

Aveline volunteers to take Bethany home, but Rynn objects saying she might need them. It is decided that Varric and Rynn will meet with the Warden while Bethany and Aveline will remain hidden somewhere close by in case trouble breaks out and everyone knows how Hawke attracts trouble.

They make their way toward what is known as Darktown, the undercity of Kirkwall. Home to the poor and the Ferelden refugees that couldn't find work "They should call this place Filth," Rynn carefully sidesteps a pile of human excrement "What about Hoboville?" Varric chimes in and despite living in what many would consider squalid conditions; he is clearly out of his element here.

"If I'd known it was like this down here I wouldn't have worn my good shoes, I think they're ruined" Bethany moaned for the third time"

"I think that's the clinic up ahead, well I hope it is. It looks like there are lanterns, must be it" Rynn babbled more to reassure herself than anyone else

"Then we'll stay back here," Bethany sits on a large rock in a shadowed corner just outside of the clinic and Aveline stands beside her. "Be nice to him Thera" Bethany urges.

_Nice is more Bethany's deal, but she wasn't going to take a healer away from her fellow Fereldens, at least not unless she had to._

Aveline pulls Rynn aside "if trouble starts we probably can't get to you in time"

Rynn winks at her "well then I shan't start any…..on purpose anyhow"

"Let's just get this over with" Varric grumbles more to himself that to Hawke. "I'd normally say let me do the talking but you know mages far better than I do"

_He had a point but still not all mages were her father and sister and this one, Anders was also a warden._

Rynn approached the clinic doors which were open, almost welcoming the refugees and the poor, most of whom sat or stood around in various degrees of health. She noticed it was brightly lit considering they were in Darktown and also clean, far cleaner than Uncle Gamlen's hovel ever was, there was also the scent of healing herbs, and medicine filling the small space.

Upon a second look around the clinic she saw him, a tall slender man who looked well built, for a mage. He had Honey coloured hair, half pulled back into a short pony tail at the back of his head, although there were quite a few loose tendrils of hair which fell around his handsome face. He was with a man she recognised from Lierne's shop, healing a boy who couldn't have been more than 11. He was dressed in a light brown gambeson that went to his Knees he also wore pauldrons with ragged feathers and knee high boots.

"I have made this place a Sanctum of Healing and Salvation why do you threaten it" he bellows in a voice that didn't seem to belong to just one man, while he regards her and Varric, waiting for them to explain.

Rynn makes a quick decision, to approach the situation honestly in her natural casual sarcastic demeanor "strange occupation for a Warden aren't you more about taint and death not healing and salvation, or perhaps I have been horribly misinformed about the nature of the Blight."

Not the response he was expecting, he lowers his defences not sure what to make of the woman who is standing in his clinic with a Dwarf at her elbow

"Have you been sent here by the Wardens?" Amber eyes search restlessly between Rynn and Varric, his tone is accusatory. "Well I'm not going back. Those bastards made me get rid of my cat. Poor Ser Pounce-a-lot; he _hated_ the Deep Roads."

_Oh._ Rynn doesn't even struggle against the amusement which surfaces in her, along with something else that's far harder to identify. _Oh, this is _perfect_._

"You had a cat? Named Ser _Pounce_-a-lot?" Aveline's ears are probably burning, even at a distance, but she just can't help herself. "In the Deep Roads?"

"He was a gift," suspicion still colors his words, but his brow relaxes from its scowl and the corners of his mouth even twitch a bit in something resembling humor. "Noble beast almost got ripped in half by a genlock once, swatted the thing on the nose, we were going to make him an honorary Grey Warden, before...," clearly this is where things fell apart for the mage and his battle cat, the joy that had just been brightening his face and words quickly turning to bitterness. "It was decided he made me too soft, so I left him with someone I knew in Amaranthine."

"I didn't know people could leave the wardens" Rynn asked again thinking of how Aveline would glare at her, for yet another stupid question.

"That's only partly true…..turns out if you hide well enough you don't have to wear the uniform or go to the parties"

Rynn smiles at this, "I just came to see if you could help us with an expedition we're planning, to the Deep Roads, any information you have can save lives,"

"I would die a happy man if I never think about the blighted Deep Roads again"… although" he gets the _look_. The _look_ that Rynn has spent the past few years of her life getting because she's capable and willing to do a lot of things that most people avoid. _And with good reason_.

"A favor for a favor, does that sound like a fair deal, you help me, I'll help you," he runs a pale hand through his honey-coloured hair, his fingers stopping to twist at the end of one strand. "I have maps of the Deep Roads in this area. If you help me, they're yours."

"Just that easy, Hawke," Varric is dubious again. And Rynn can't blame him, but the reward would be a substantial one, far more than they'd been hoping for in the first place. He realizes _that_ at least, "Bartrand wouldn't be able to say no to maps, even if you delivered them by smacking him upside the head." As an aside, "I recommend that you deliver them by smacking him upside the head."

"Ok." "But, just so you know. I don't do anything involving animals or children. Or dressing like a man. It's...a long story and I am nowhere near drunk enough to tell it."

Ignoring her comment he continues "I have a friend, a mage named Karl from the Ferelden Circle," Anders moves closer to them, his voice dropping, despite the fact that the only other people in the clinic are the man and his recovering son who are wrapped up in their own business. "He's in the Gallows now. Until recently we've been exchanging letters, I sent word for him to meet me at the Chantry tonight...if he does, I'm going to help him escape the Circle."

"Are you certain you want to make your friend an _apostate_?" Rynn struggles through the word; years of Bethany struggling with the label to make it fit herself and their father had turned it into something that never felt right on her tongue.

"Yes, an _apostate_" his lip curls in disdain as he spits it out. "Such a loaded word, I realize Andraste said that magic should serve man, and never rule over them. But freedom isn't mastery. I don't know of any mage that wants more than the same rights as everyone else."

_That's not what I meant._ It's subtle, but she senses Varric shifting beside her._ If only Bethany were here..._

"I agree," covering quickly. "Forcing mages against their will is not the way to prevent another Imperium"

Anders face turns into a look resembling...well, he looks surprised. In a pleasant way. _And he's almost smiling so...there is _that_, _even his eyes have warmed and..._No, no Rynn. You're not falling into that trap_. "I'm starting to think we might work together better than I thought. No matter, I will be at the Chantry at midnight. If you want my maps, meet me there. If everything goes well, then we can all walk away free."

"Let's go." Rynn says to Varric as they leave "We have an ambush to stop, and then I'll have to figure out what to do with Bethany this evening,"

Aveline joins them, To Sundermount, then?"

"Aye aye, _captain_," Rynn jests bumping Aveline's elbow with her own, her mind latching onto annoying her friend. _Anything_ to keep it from the healer.

"You're asking for it, Hawke," Aveline is already exasperated. "Bethany, how have you put up with this your entire life?"

Bethany shrugs in response.

And then it's out of the darkness and back into the light.


	3. Chapter 3: Tranquil

Disclaimer: Rated M for language, violence

**Chapter 3: Tranquil**

"There could be some stragglers before the main group but it shouldn't be anything that we can't handle." Avaline reminds them as they head out to the ambush site.

The group runs into a few small groups of highwaymen which as Avaline suspected don't give them much trouble except when Rynn doesn't see a trap as she's flanking an assassin and it closes around her ankle. "Fuck" Rynn yells out hopelessly stuck, she dare not drop her daggers to open the trap while the assassin is advancing on her. She hopes he doesn't flank her before she can either get free of flail out with her daggers.

Varric hears a trap snap shut and Hawke's yell. He turns Bianca his beautiful crossbow in the direction of the assassin trying to get around the trapped Hawke. He fires a pinning shot keeping the assassin away from Hawke while Bethany fires a winter's grasp killing him. With the assassin dead Rynn drops her daggers to release her foot.

"I thought you were good at disarming traps" Varric chides her.

Rynn laughs, "Only when I'm not being attacked by an assassin and a rogue, but thanks"

Bethany looks at her sister "how bad is your ankle" she asks with concern

"It didn't break the skin; it'll just wake up with some swelling, that is if I ever get to bed" Rynn laughs. "Come on we have an ambush to stop while there is still daylight." Avaline nods in agreement.

"We're close to the ambush Hawke be ready" Avaline warns as they approach the site.

This time Hawke can see the traps and warns the others as she goes to disarm them not wanting a repeat of earlier. Avaline charges the group of would be ambushers who aren't expecting heavily armed targets, giving Avaline the advantage as she yells "Face me I stand for all of us."

Her attack is followed by a hail of arrows which slows the highwaymen down enough for Rynn to quickly backstab the weaker ones and focus on flanking their stronger opponents while Avaline draws their attention. After a quick bloody battle Avaline surveys the carnage, "Well equipped for bandits but dead is dead and the road is clear" she turns her head not wanting to witness Rynn looting the bodies, disapproval written all over her face. "What it's not like they need it anymore and they weren't on the straight and narrow anyhow" Rynn defends knowing it only earns her a glare.

After a few minutes of silence, Rynn joins Bethany who is looting bodies further down the path. These men are riddled with arrows, Varric's doing, and the sisters spend as much time carefully reclaiming undamaged ones as they do searching through pockets, pouches and sheaths.

"So you didn't tell me about the Grey Warden," Bethany is trying to pull an arrow out of the arm of an archer without touching the body, or getting any blood on her. Content to ignore the question, Rynn watches her try to shake the bolt free of the corpse, Bethany's face twisting in frustration at how very little success she's having.

"Here," Rynn grabs the man's arm in one hand and gripping the bolt in the other, with a hard yank and a spurt of blood, it's out and thrown into a pile with the others. "There's nothing to tell, really, I think he left the Wardens because they made him get rid of his cat. But I _may_ have misinterpreted that part."

Varric chimes in, never one to miss an opportunity. "We're going to go with that, unless he tells us otherwise"

"The fearsome Grey Warden, pining forever for his kitty?" The image _is_ amusing. She'd seen a few Grey Wardens at Ostagar, they'd seemed a dire lot. She tries to picture Anders sitting with them as they attended to their dinner, then she adds a cat and it becomes a different kind of ridiculous, but somehow sweet.

"You're smiling," hisses Bethany, voice low so Varric can't hear.

"It's _hilarious_," Rynn hisses back.

Captain Jevin needs to hear about this" Aveline's assertion interrupts them and Rynn is grateful for the reprieve. She begins pacing, "He's the captain of the guard, he _needs_ to know that this is happening. We are his men, after all. It's the safety of Kirkwall, and the safety of the guard that I care about. Not advancement or commendation."

"I suppose you want to do that _now_, right?" Jumping to her feet, Rynn gasps as a spike of pain shoots up her leg, remembering that dammed trap.

"Why? Do you have an objection?" Aveline's obviously ready to return to the barracks, her shield on her shoulder and her sword neatly sheathed at her hip.

"Yes! These things have a tendency to spiral out of control, and I don't have _time_ for spiraling this evening. And neither do you."

"You assume too much, Hawke," her tone is cool.

Rynn approaches Aveline to speak in confidence. "Bethy can't go, so I need _you_," she'd told neither Bethany nor Aveline what Anders had asked her to do this evening and, knowing Aveline will not approve, she allows a bit of passion to colour her plea. "It's important."

"Whatever you're doing tonight, I want to come," this request comes with the jangling of loot in a canvas pack. Without looking at her sister, Rynn takes the pack and slips it onto her shoulder. "Thera."

"I'm helping a Circle mage escape and we're meeting him at the Chantry. Soo..."

"Oh." A frown creases Bethany's pale forehead. "That seems...risky."

"Those were his terms and he has maps of the Deep Roads in the area. Even if Bartrand refuses me as a partner, he wouldn't be able to say no to those." Rynn hesitates before continuing. Bartrand seemed the sort who would gladly turn down such an obvious advantage just to spite her and his brother. She _knows_ that. And yet she's willing to risk what little she's managed to scrabble together here in Kirkwall to get them. _Or maybe that's not why you're going to help him._ Bethany's turned back to Varric and is assisting him gather up his bolts. Watching her sister kick through the sand, her cheeks pink from a clear afternoon outside the city, is a victory in itself.

"Are you guys almost finished?" Her voice is forcefully bright, although she can hear the edge of emotion. "We have more stupidly dangerous situations to get ourselves into, and it's _not_ getting any lighter out."

Stone steps in front of him, beyond is a courtyard. A darkened courtyard, seemingly empty but he hadn't really checked just like he wasn't really looking for anyone now, lost in his thoughts.

"Just breath" he tells himself and he tries again to breathe; his chest hitches painfully but his lungs allow air in without additional protest and he's counting out the seconds until he can exhale; only it's someone else voicing the beats and it's too disconcerting to continue this way.

_Meditation is supposed to help_; he watches the stairs again, his eyes scanning the courtyard for any sign of Templars or of her.

He doesn't know her name, but her face is easy enough to picture, freckled and pale beneath haphazard strands of auburn colored hair that had escaped her ponytail and a pair of green eyes that burned with more than she realized, considering how otherwise flippant she'd been.

_You should not trust her._

But he will, because, well because there is nothing and no one else and he can't rescue Karl on his own.

_"Are you certain you want to make your friend an apostate?"_

Despite his initial confusion, her question had been a valid one, and one he'd struggled with himself for what seemed like five lifetimes compressed into the ten years he'd spent in Fereldens Circle.

Being an apostate is better than being 's better than being told that you are nothing more than a sack of flesh waiting to be filled by a demon.

_It's better;_ he's chanting this to himself and doesn't notice her walk up the stairs until she steps from the shadows with the dwarf she'd been with earlier, she's also brought another woman, this one is older, heavily muscled with a firm jaw and angry expression which seemed semi-permanent on her face, At their heels pads a tawny mabari his dark eyes catching the moonlight.

They are an interesting assortment, and for a few seconds Anders is pulled back into a place where being part of such a group felt...right.

Now he feels like the outsider, suddenly self-conscious of where he is _what he is_ but glad, fervently glad, that she's here and seems to be taking the task seriously.

"You came," he summons her back towards the shadows where he's been waiting and tries to keep his hands still. "I haven't seen Karl, but that doesn't mean he's not inside. I've not seen any Templars yet, either. Have _you_ seen any? Did you pay attention on your way up here?"

The girl goes from looking at him to _looking_ at him, her features tightening as if to say _what? Are you mad?_

"Not at all," her voice is kept low and her mouth forces itself up on the left side in something resembling a sardonic smirk. "I so want to be ambushed by Templars."

"You wouldn't joke if you knew-" he feels Justice stirring inside of him _insolence she is too insolent she cannot be trusted_ but even Justice is quelled by the way her lips press tight together and her eyes harden with cold fury.

"I didn't see anyone," she withdraws and looks towards the gaudy door that will take them into the main hall of the Chantry, her jaw clenched and her hands busying themselves by tugging her gloves farther onto her hands. "Let's get this over with."

_You _cannot_ trust her, Anders._

"Once we find Karl, let me do the talking. You just watch for Templars."

She sighs. With that single exhalation goes her anger, and then her expression is one of absolute resolve.

"_That_ I can do."

Upon entering the Chantry, which by no small feat Rynn has managed to avoid since coming to Kirkwall despite Bethy's insistence on attending the occasional service with mother. Rynn immediately notices how oppressive and unwelcoming it is, unlike the chantry in Lothering which was not a hushed sanctuary but a place of people complete with mud, marred floorboards and voices always echoing in the rafters, the sisters and brothers always waiting to talk and listen, offering everything they could to anyone who asked for it. But here, the place is vast, elaborate and soulless. _The gold from the statues alone could feed, clothe and house every Ferelden refugee in Kirkwall._

They approach the main altar and after a moment, assessing the situation on both sides of the upper level, she leads them up the right hand stairs. There seems to be the flickering of torchlight beyond the balustrade while the rest of the Chantry is illuminated with nothing more than moonlight.

"That's Karl," Anders has replaced Varric at her elbow. She doesn't look at him, fearing what she'll see on his face and in his eyes. The way he'd said Karl's name was...hope, desperation and despair and she's still searching for an ambush because this has been _way_ too easy so far and nothing is _ever_ this easy.

"Karl!" Anders takes her wrist and pulls her forward toward his friend, who is admiring a wall-hanging and seems disinterested in the one that's risking so much to rescue him. "Karl, I found someone to help. Come with us and then we"

"Anders," the voice gently interrupts, baleful and unnatural. "I know you too well; I knew you would never give up"

"What's wrong why are you talking like..."

"I was too rebellious like you; the Templars knew I had to be… made an example of"

"No" Rynn's arm is abandoned in Anders' disbelief and she remains where he leaves her.

Karl turns slowly and, at first, all Rynn sees is a handsome man. He's older than Anders by at least a decade, his iron-colored hair and beard immaculately maintained. _I can see why Anders would...oh, _Maker_._

From his frantic gasping, Anders sees it at the same time, the sun branded in the center of Karl's forehead. The symbol of the Chantry and the mark of tranquility.

Anders whimpers a strangled sound from deep within his throat and Rynn is almost grateful when she hears Aveline's sword being drawn, and Varric unfolding Bianca in anticipation of battle.

"How else will mages ever master themselves? You'll understand Anders, as soon as the Templars teach you to control yourself

Rynn whips around, hands finding her daggers as she counts the swords that surrounded them.

_Four, five, six...two archers by that far door and another past the altar. Nine. Nine Templars to take down one man. Pathetic._

"Anders, take Karl to safety," her blades are out and she does not want to turn her back on the encroaching Templars. "We can hold them until..."

"NO!" The voice that interrupts her is not of this world, nor is the sudden and unsettlingly sense of the air around them turning thicker.

Her eyes go back to Anders, who has collapsed to his knees, fingers twist into his hair as if it has become unbearable to think and that's _before_ he begins to radiate tendrils of black smoke and then a brilliant blue light that cuts _out_ of him in places, but especially his eyes which now shine like stars in a tormented face as he finds his feet and stares at her with unfathomable amounts of hatred.

"YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ANOTHER MAGE THE WAY YOU TOOK HIM!"

Aveline grabs her shoulder and pulls her away from the thing that was Anders before it can strike at her. _What the fuck have I gotten myself into?_ She digs her teeth into her bottom lip until it hurts so badly that she can't think of anything _but_ pain and then she lunges out at the nearest Templar, forcing herself to stay between them and whatever Anders had become, which is now lashing out at the right people with a fearsome amount of power. She's mindful of the path of his spells, worried now about Aveline and Varric but after a few minutes it becomes clear that he's not careless with his casting. _Just terrifying in every other way._

Aveline is handling the largest of the Templars, their shields clanging as they strike out at one another. Tucked into a shallow alcove, Varric systematically attacks the archers across the balcony. His size gives him an advantage that the Templars don't have- as they can't see him beyond the main skirmish and by the time they do spot him, Bianca has them in her sights.

Rynn remains near Anders and _Karl_, who is cowering by the wall _how_ _is that possible? Tranquils don't feel fear_ and attracts the attention of a pair of dagger-wielding Templars, _they move fast but they're too close together, _she hops back, twirling her daggers in front of her as she spins around striking the closest Templar at waist level, then switching direction she thrusts her daggers into the other Templar catching him in the ribs and knocking him over into the other so that they both fall.

She's on them before they can recover, slashing the first's windpipe with a single, vicious, thrust. The second attempts to stand while she's turning to meet him and is consumed in ice before he can make it to his knees. Unthinkingly she looks back to nod her approval at Bethany, but it's just a stranger seething in blue light and black smoke who has already moved on to throw a single crack of lightning at the last enemy standing. The spell merely stuns its target, but Aveline takes full advantage and drives into him one last time, her shield smacking hard against his face and her sword plunging almost hilt-deep into an opening in his cuirass.

Then it's over.

Varric pulls himself out of his alcove and, after assessing Bianca, begins to gather what arrows he can while Aveline moves to stare over the balustrade. Anyone else would assume she's on the watch for reinforcements, but Rynn knows she's fighting back nausea at what's she's just done.

Rynn knows she should say something to her friend, but she needs to deal with Anders first.

He's where she left him, staring at her with his normal, amber eyes that shine with mere anguish, and Karl is behind him blinking as if he's recently emerged from the worst kind of nightmare and is relieved that things aren't quite as dire as his mind had convinced him.

"Anders!" Now his voice is rough with emotion that draws Rynn and Anders' attention. "What did you do It's like...you've brought a piece the Fade here! I had already forgotten what that feels like. How is that possible?"

"What _was_ that you did? Not the Fade part. The angry glowy eyes bit," Rynn gives Anders what she hopes is an appropriately suspicious glare and he tenses beneath her accusation.

"It's true that I have...unique circumstances." Rynn's brow goes up at that glorious understatement. "But now is not the time...Karl. How did this happen?"

Karl steps forward, blue eyes full of gentle regret. _This is going to be so _emotional_ and _awkward, Rynn's throat tightens but when she turns away with the intention of giving them privacy _or just getting the fuck away_, Anders' hand is on her wrist again.

"Please, stay. I don't think...this isn't...," he can't finish, but Rynn and Karl both know what he's trying to say.

"You have no idea, friend, "Karl is speaking to her, words rushing to get out before meaning is stripped from him again. "The things you don't realize you see and hear and the poetry of every mundane thing that you otherwise take for granted. Music, colour, even mild annoyance. It's all gone." He glances at Anders, "I would gladly give up my magic, but this is...I can't live like this. No _one_ should live like this."

"Karl, _no_," Anders withdraws two steps, his hand out in defense from...an idea? A request? "I can't."

That's when Karl turns his pleading eyes onto her.

"You came to help him free me."

_"I did." _ Her heart twists in her chest as she remembers the night that Father had explained to Bethany what tranquility truly meant. Bethy had been thirteen, an age when every emotion is bigger than the world and the idea of just not feeling_... "No love, no dreams. No hope or faith or laughter." Bethany sobs this into it the collar of Rynn's tunic. "I wouldn't care about you and Carver anymore"_

_"You'd probably not really notice much with Carver," besides her neck to cry on, it's all she can offer in comfort. _

_"I'd rather be dead," this is whispered with deepest conviction. "I'd rather be dead than lose my heart. If I ever get caught...if it ever happens to me, Thera. You'd _have_ to."_

_"Bethany! You know I can't agree to that!" Rynn's still young, too, and the idea of seeing someone she loves dead is beyond her imagination. "How about we focus on making sure you never get caught?"_

_"That _would_ be better," her tears are slowing. "Just remember this though- I would rather die."_

"I've been told that it's worse than death," her voice is oddly steady. "I'm sorry, Anders, but he's right. We came here to free him."

She expects an argument, a protest. Instead Anders nods, his face a mess of emotion and all she wants to do is run away to someplace where _this is not happening_ but she watches anyway, just in case he can't make himself do it.

"Quickly, Anders," Karl begs, panic set in his features. "I'm _losing_ it, I can...Anders. Why do you look at me like that?"

He dies in an embrace, incapable of defending himself, and Anders waits for him to go limp before he carefully lowers him to the floor.

Anders does not linger.

"Let's go," he pushes past her, his expression suddenly unreadable. "More Templars might show up at any minute and I..."

"Understood," she waves to Aveline, Varric and Scruffy. Following Anders, they file down the stairs and out of the Chantry that she'll forever associate with death and hypocrisy and the loss of good and adored men to things she doesn't wholly understand.


	4. Chapter 4: Justice

Disclaimer: M for language and Sexuality!

**Chapter 4: Justice!**

They walk down the steps leading away from the chantry, Rynn is watching her companions, Aveline is walking closest to her a sour expression on her face, _was it a mistake to ask her to do this_, Rynn asks herself half knowing the answer.

Varric is farther behind the group still holding Bianca at the ready and humming a song as he walks, he notices Rynn watching him and gives a nod signaling its clear, no more bandits tonight. A shame as Rynn needs a distraction from the silence; bandits would break this awkwardness that had fallen between them all.

Anders is the quietest walking out ahead of everyone head half bowed, but eyes darting in every direction, his expression is unreadable. He's a mystery to her, and after what just happened, she doesn't know if she should demand answers or just let him disappear into Darktown.

As they reach the steps up to the keep Aveline gives Rynn an icy stare "we have business at the keep first thing tomorrow, you had better be there" she says flatly.

Rynn reaches for her friends arm, "I'm sorry", she offers, not really sure what else she can say. "I'll see you first thing this morning." she agreed not wishing to push Aveline any farther than she had.

Passing by an alley Varric announces "I have some business to attend to with Bartrand, unless of course you need to be escorted to your uncle's foul pit of squalor as Bethany calls it."

"No, Varric; I can handle myself just fine" Hawke answers a hand on his shoulder.

Now it's just her and Anders, Scruffy wandering behind them. Their silence continues, she wants to ask him _"what the fuck happened" but that would just make him angry, possibly dangerous, she wishes she had Bethany's diplomacy, instead of father wit, chose your words carefully she's telling herself._

* * *

It takes them almost an hour to reach his clinic, by the time they see the glow of the lantern, she's thinking that she could really use a new _ankle_ because hers is no longer working out so well.

Anders pushes through the door to his clinic, not minding if she follows him in or not, Rynn slips through the doorway and limps forward until she's next to a column that looks perfect for leaning on.

He gestures towards an empty cot. "I know you're hurt. I should've stopped us on the way here, but I was...lost in thought," he can't quite meet her gaze, but he sounds sincere enough and, well, a good healer is a good healer.

And if she _doesn't_ let him look it over, she might not be able to make it home.

"Fine," she hops onto the cot, but holds her ankle away from him. "But first, we have to get this over with."

"What?" his brows furrow.

"Anders. I'm not stupid..!" She pauses "You're an abomination?" she hopes it comes across as...matter of fact. She hopes that he appreciates her non-judgmental tone. She hopes that her tone is _non-judgmental_.

"You're wrong! But not far wrong" his brows pull together and now he's making eye-contact and she really wishes he wouldn't because there's just...too much of him. Like he can't always be contained by his own body and has a tendency to spill over at times.

"Quasi...abomination?" She offers him a small smile of encouragement that she's certain must look demented.

"When I was a Grey...when I lived in Amaranthine, I met a spirit of justice. He got trapped outside of the Fade, we became friends." _Friends_ comes out haltingly, as if he's not sure that's the best word for what they'd been. "Kristoff...the body he was..._in_...Was decaying and he didn't know what would become of him. And I thought that I could help him, that he could help me."

_Please understand_, his face was begging her. But she doesn't.

"And that's different from a Demon?"

"Spirits are the Maker's first children, and they embody our virtues. Compassion, fortitude, justice. Can you not see that those things are different from rage and desire?

"Ok, what could a spirit offer you in exchange for...room and board?" she asked raising an eyebrow hoping she sounds ardent and sincere.

Anders moves away from her, only a few feet, but she can feel him go and it's...unpleasant.

"Justice understood what I'd been through. He understood I would never be able to have a normal life, just because I'd been born with magic. Even in the Wardens...I couldn't just be," he's staring into a place beyond her shoulder and his throat is working as if he might cry. "I'd hoped, but it didn't happen. And it would _never_ happen, because that's not how the world works."

"But it should," she knows this story well, but it's been at least four years since she's heard it told with such passion.

"Justice agreed, and he thought that I could do something about it and I _wanted_ to do something about it. So I let him in," he moves to her side and braces himself against the cot with both hands, his head down in shame. His hair falls forward against his shadowed jaw and it makes Rynn's fingers itch to push it away.

"I never realized how much anger I had, never knew how much it _burned_ that no matter what I did, no matter how many towns I saved or people I healed, that nobody would be able to see past my magic," Anders looks up at her through his hair and it is _all_ there on the surface. _Pain, shame, jealousy, heartache, loss._ "I just wanted to help a friend so we could work towards a world where no one has to lose their child to magic, or be imprisoned for magic. But once he was inside me, he became...twisted. Now, when I'm confronted by the things that always angered me before, he comes out and he's no longer _Justice_, nor is he anything that I can control."

At first she doesn't respond. She _can't_ respond. All she can think about is Father, and how every evening he would gather her and Bethany and Carver up onto his bed, Mother already sitting beneath the covers. Some nights he would tell them stories about heroic elves and clever mages and the evil that they fought, some nights he would tease their bare feet with ice and lightning, or simply let his Thera and Bethy crawl all over him while Carver jumped about the foot of the bed. It never really mattered what they did, only that they could do it _together_.

"I'm sorry." She whispers

"I am, too," his face is drawn; he regrets telling her. Far from being offended, Rynn knows she's the last person anyone should pour themselves out to. Unless there was something that could be killed, she wasn't much use.

After a moment of silence, his expression becomes purposeful but vacant as he takes her leg and begins undoing the straps of her Boots. As he goes down her calf, she can sense the familiar tingle of healing magic radiating into her sore muscle and merely the clear blue flare of light that accompanies it makes her smile and want to _cry_.

It's been years since she's been healed by magic, she feels the pain easing before he has her boot off, which is shortly followed by a fierce scowl when he sees her blood-soaked stocking.

"I didn't realize it had broken the skin," with a wince, Rynn rotates her knee inward so she can see where the trap had managed to breach her armor. It's just a spot on her sock that's darker red than the rest of the ruined garment. "Stupid raiders and their _stupid_ traps."

"When did this happen?" His fingers find the top of her sock and curl beneath the upper band, knuckles pressing against the bare skin at her knee and _oh, that is...not the worst feeling in the world_. Rynn shifts, hoping that he doesn't notice how absolutely flaming her cheeks have gone.

"This afternoon, there was an ambush…that we..." He's staring at her, and he has an intensely _peculiar_ look on his face.

"An ambush?" he asks puzzled

"Aveline, the guard, asked me to help her with it and we had some time to kill this afternoon..."

"So that's what you are, the sort of woman who'd kill time by stopping an ambush, and would walk around for half a day with a gaping wound in her leg because...is it just something you're born with, or do they hand out a stunning lack of self-preservation when you get your weapons?"

"Now that you mention it, I may have always been like this? You'd have to ask my Mother."

He gently holds her foot and she feels magic tingle up her calf which doesn't help with the way her stomach shivers and her eyes start to tingle. "Let me clean you off, and then I can get a bandage on this." He withdraws to get a bucket and Rynn allows a strangled breath out of her throat.

_Fuck,_ _forced by her own, stupid body to acknowledge a reality that she'd been avoiding all day_ and it's certainly not helped by the fact that he's back to touching her, the damp rag darkening quickly with her blood. She watches as he methodically wipes at her leg, consumed with the task as if it's the most delicate of procedures until he tilts his head to examine her ankle before he applies the poultice which smells even better than the one that Haldmar had slathered on her shoulder, she focuses on his deft hands as he finishes, anything to keep from thinking about the way she's feeling right now. _Exhausted, aroused and embarrassed. _

She stops him when he goes to slide her boot back on.

"I think I can handle it from here." She says moving her foot away and grabbing her boot to slide in on.

He watches her with nothing more than clinical evaluation as she hops down from the table and doesn't so much as wince when her weight comes down on her ankle.

"Good," his voice betrays an unearthly amount of weariness. "I suppose I should give you the maps before you go."

"The maps," her mind is blank…. and then it comes to her. "Oh! The _maps_. _Maker_, yes. I mean...if you feel you've been adequately compensated for them?" _She has no idea what she's saying_.

Anders gestures towards a writing desk that's positioned near the center of the clinic. It's obviously been reclaimed, or possibly offered in exchange for healing, he's rummaging through a drawer when he pulls out a small stack of papers and hands them to her. She smiles as she takes them.

"I understand if this is the end of our...association," despite the wavering of his voice, his word choice makes their agreement and the tragic Chantry bloodbath that ensued sound like the most mundane of business transactions. "I wouldn't expect anyone to risk their safety to have me as a traveling companion. But if you need me, now or when you go on your expedition, I'll be here."

_Take me or leave me._ His gaze challenges her, and it's a physical thing that holds her rooted to the spot for far too long, thinking of all the ways that _I'll be here_ is a trap.

"I'll keep that in mind. If I don't...thank you for the maps,"

"Don't forget that we may have been followed. Be on your guard for Templars… Rynn…" It felt right to call her that.

She nods,_ I always am._ Then she walks as fast as she can away from that clinic, and its Grey Warden apostate with his nice hands, dead lover and a way of saying her name like it, and she, belongs to him.

* * *

She's gone; he's alone in his empty clinic, leaning against a column he slides down to sit on floor bringing his knees up to his chest. He doesn't know why he told her, he'd never told anyone before, not even the warden-Commander, not that she'd been around to stop Rolan, in the end the wardens had thought him a terrible abomination too and he hated them for that.

He realised he's offered to help Rynn on the expedition, offered himself to go to the deep roads, he'd sworn never to go back, hated them, hated feeling enclosed, hated the smell, and brood mothers, after fighting the Mother with the Warden-Commander he'd had nightmares for weeks, so why?

He didn't have an answer, maybe it was the way she had smiled, even after, after everything he had told her, maybe it was because despite the fact they had fought Templars she'd still wanted to help Karl.

_She can't be trusted she had to help you to get the maps_

_Doesn't matter, after what I told her she won't come back, no sane person would?_

He's left there alone now thinking about Karl, how his blade had felt as it slipped through the man's chest, he shudders at the look on the man's face, blank and distant…a fate worse than death...indeed.

* * *

He'd offered to help them; she'd be stupid not to take a Grey Warden into the deep roads with them, but what about… Justice…he'd called it. And why'd he tell her, it didn't seem like he'd ever shared that story, so why her, maybe he'd just needed to talk, and she had asked for an explanation, after all he had just killed his… Lover? She didn't want to think about Anders, his story or him, it was all so overwhelming…

It's not quite dawn when she finds herself creeping through Lowtown toward the docks, as far as she can tell, she's not being followed. There's probably no real reason why she couldn't double back to the slums and let herself into Gamlen's house, to crawl into bed and fake like she'd been there for most of the night, and not out getting into fights at the Chantry.

But there's _always_ a slim chance, so she's heading toward a particular door, a wooden one with paint that is forever peeling and chipping onto the stone steps beneath it. It swings open at her touch and she slips into a long, narrow room that is populated by one weary barkeep and a trio of truly devoted drunks who eye her with suspicion but make no comment on her presence. She walks up a staircase near the back of the tavern, which leads up to a landing containing four doors. She pulls a key out of her belt and opens the door to her far left, as she walk through the tiny room containing only a makeshift table and an occupied bed, her smallclothes have fallen to the floor, she slides in beside Haldmar, who has been waiting for her in silence.

"It's been awhile," his voice is warm with sleep and it rumbles out of his chest and into hers.

"I couldn't go home tonight; there's a chance I was being followed."

If he's offended, it's lost in the press of his mouth against hers, his lips dry but soft, and the way his fingers feel curling into her hair. For several long moments, as desire that isn't quite for him is both vented and reborn and they ready themselves for something that will be enjoyable but not particularly memorable, Rynn abandons the day with startling ease.

"Hawke," he pulls away and his breath is hot on her neck. "Where did we leave off?"

"I think you were going to tell me how you got that scar," she finds his face and traces the line that runs from the right side of his forehead to his cheek.

"Or we can forget the stories and just..."

Which is _exactly_ what she was hoping for when she came here.


	5. Chapter 5: Home

**Chapter 5: Home**

It was mid-morning when Rynn walked up the steps to the hovel they'd been calling home, she can hear Mother "My children have been in servitude… Servitude…For a year! They should be nobility!"

Rynn walked into the main room of the hovel as Gamlen retorts ""If wishes were poppy we'd all be dreaming."

Rynn can't help herself, "You mean this is real, no wonder I can't wake up" she quips

"And here I thought that Fereldan you ran off with was a mage, not a jester!" Gamlen replies clearly annoyed that Rynn had inserted herself into his conversation. "Your mother was supposed to marry the Comte de Launcet, and instead she ran off with some Fereldan apostate. You don't get to stay the favourite when you do that"

"Where is fathers will? If I could just see it for myself…" Leandra almost pleads, needing something anything to feel welcomed in the city she once called home.

"It's not here, all right! It was read, it went into the vault no one needed to look at it again." Gamlen spat

Rynn turns to her mother, "I know the Amells were nobility mother, but not much else. Why don't you ever talk about them?"

With a sigh Leandra tells her daughter, "The Amells have been a noble family in Kirkwall since Garahel drove out the fourth blight. But we've always carried magic in our blood. The hero of Fereldan was one of ours you know….My cousin Revka's daughter. The circle took her… she gets a sad look in her eye. "It's been a stain on our lineage. No family of good standing would ever marry into a line with magic. When I chose your father…. I was bringing more magic into our line not less. I think that's what hurt my parents the most."

"Did grandfather mention Mother in his will at all?" Rynn asks hopefully, anything to help make Mother feel better.

"Our father died when you were still in pinafores, girl. You can hardly expect me to remember."

"That sounds like a yes to me" Bethany chimes in, getting tired of their Uncles way of bringing mother down.

"That touched a nerve what's in there you don't want us to see?" Rynn asked knowing she was onto something, and she liked to make Gamlen sweat.

"Nothing!" Gamlen answered too quickly and too defensively. "But you won't be seeing the bloody thing, it's still locked up on the estate and that's long out of my hands"

"You didn't take your parents will?" Bethany can't believe anyone would forget something like that.

"It was old news. You think I've been sitting here for twenty-five years waiting for Leandra to slink back?

"Who bought the estate Gamlen? Perhaps I could speak to them. Was it the Rinehardts?" Leandra wondered.

"No one you know! Get used to Lowtown, sister. That's where we're going to stay," and with that Gamlen storms off to his bed, no doubt just returning to the hovel ahead of Rynn herself.

"So I hate thinking badly of family, but… did Uncle Gamlen seem a little slippery when we talked about Grandfather's will? If he, say, 'invested' money that was meant to be Mothers do you think he would tell us?" "Mother's been in such a fit of melancholy since Gamlen told her how angry her parents were about Father. She told me she wishes she'd died with Carver. It's like coming here ruined every good memory of her childhood. I wish we could get some of it back" Bethany worries. _Sweet Bethany always looking out for mother, making sure everyone was happy being the comforting one and taking care of the family in a way Rynn never could_

"Unless we somehow turn Gamlen into an upstanding citizen what's done is done"

"Gamlen told me he gave the estate as payment to some slaver who beat him at dice. Apparently our ancestral home is now a base for slavers from all over Thedas"

"Gamlen couldn't have just sold himself and saved us all the trouble"

Bethany giggles "Could you imagine him sweeping and scrubbing for some Tevintar matriarch? Seriously though those scum have no right to our families things. We should break in there, and get the will for Mother. I already talked to both of them about this. Gamlen said they guard the front entrance well. But Mother gave me her old key. She said it should unlock the cellar apparently the sewers run right beneath the house"

"That is a great idea; although it probably won't be today, Aveline says there might be another ambush tonight on some guardsmen… Donnic's patrol and something about a satchel..."Rynn started to reply before Bethany interrupts her.

"So how did last night go, I was worried when you didn't come home"

"well enough I suppose, I got the maps and that's the best thing I can say about it…._She drifts off remembering his hands healing her._

"Mm hum" Bethany interrupts her thoughts

"Oh and there was a chance Templars were following so I couldn't come back, which means that you can't come along tonight either, I'm so sorry Bethy I don't like keeping you locked up in this hovel."

"It's ok… I understand and I feel safer, and besides mother bought me fabric, so I am going to make myself a new dress, one that isn't stained with blood or dirt."

"That's an excellent idea Bethy and I promise you won't have to stay in here forever." "Now I need at least three hours of sleep before I run off to get killed." Rynn jests

Rynn walked through Darktown avoiding the refugee's and excrement, when she entered the clinic Anders was busy attending to an elderly man who was not making the task easy, flinching spastically every time Anders came near him with a cloth. "Can you hold still, I will be done in a few minutes and then it won't hurt, I promise, Anders pleaded with the man. Rynn came up behind him; he didn't seem to notice till she spoke.

"Would you like me to hold him for you?"

"That would be great… thank you" he answered with a surprised look on his face, _why is she here, and after last night_

After the man was taken care of Anders went to the water basin in the corner of the clinic to wash his hands, Rynn followed "I just came to ask, if you're not busy that is, well there's this ambush tonight possibly, and we could use your help" Rynn rushed fumbling over her words "and I thought you wouldn't want to be alone… you know after yesterday, not that your alone with patients…." She trailed off watching him.

Anders didn't want to be alone, he was always alone, in the ways that counted sure there were the occasional patients that had to stay and the volunteers that helped out were friendly enough but no one was like this strange woman Rynn Hawke who kept just appearing, when he wasn't expecting her, or anyone. And yes there was always justice but he could be a slave driver and Anders needed, wanted company especially after last night.

"Anyhow we were going to meet at the hanged man and go from there, I'll even buy you dinner, and you don't look like you get much, especially helping refugees who can barely eat."

She was right he hadn't eaten in a while and that was reason enough he thought.

"Sure once I am done here I can meet you… at the Hanged man you said?"

Lirene knocked on the clinic door before entering to deliver supplies, some were donated, some bought with what she could spare from her shop. She fixed Rynn with an icy stare not impressed that she was yet again distracting their healer.

"Oh, hello Lirene, you remember Hawke" Anders reintroduced them

Lirene's expression softened "oh Hawke, yes I can see it now, Malcolm Hawke…right you look just like him and that other woman with you the other day was your sister?"

Panic rising from the pit of Rynn's stomach _how could this woman know father, even the people in Lothering barely recognized them but this woman and of all places in Kirkwall._

" Did you know Malcolm?" she managed in a steady voice.

"Yes, and you, you were young maybe nine at the time, when you lived outside of Highover. "I remember your father tutored some of the noble children, and you'd sometimes go with him. You used to come into my shop and buy treats for your brother and sister…It's a shame what happened with….

Panic reaching Rynn's eyes she's staring at Lirene now wide eyed willing her not to say anything about Templars or mages.

"Well anyhow your family made it to the Free Marches?"

A sigh of relief "not all of us, Father died four years ago and we lost Carver to the Darkspawn."

"Oh well I am sorry to hear that, He was a good man, helped out my nephew."

Rynn now looking at her feet, trying not to let her memories surface, she remembers Highover, and she remembers she's the reason they left.

Anders watching them, realising how Rynn has been undone by what the older woman has been saying, makes Him want to know what happened in Highover that Rynn clearly doesn't want to remember. "Are those for me" Anders asks taking the supplies Lirene was holding while walking her to the clinic door. After Lirene is gone he turns to look at Rynn, who is still fixated on the toe of her boot lightly kicking the dirt on the floor.

"So you're from Highover huh?" he asks hoping to learn more about this woman who seems to just show up.

"No, well not really we lived there for a while, that's all" Rynn answers trying to avoid the sad lost look he is giving her, like he is actually interested in her story, she wants to tell him which is odd she's never wanted anyone to know, it's too dangerous for him and for Bethany. "So I'll see you tonight at the hanged man, you know where it is right" Rynn quickly changes the subject.

He's a little hurt she won't even share where she's from and she was there with Karl, he even explained about him and Justice, no one else knows as much…_She can`t be trusted_. "I know where it is" he growls.

She turns and half walks half stumbles as quickly as she can out of the clinic and away from him and his lost sad eyes.

_She can't be trusted_

_I'm not trust her, just getting a meal_

_She's distracting you. We have things..._

_Oh Shut up._

Anders enters the hanged man and is welcomed by the aroma of stale ale and piss; it's dimly lit with few patrons. He sees her, standing by the bar with her back to him, talking to a tanned woman with dark hair held back with a blue bandanna wearing a white tunic, if you could call it a tunic, the neck line was laced open and the sides came up to her waist, revealing most of her luscious curves she also wore leather boots that reached her thighs. For some reason she seems to look oddly familiar, while he's trying to think where he knows her from he approaches the two women.

"Your nothing but titt's and ass to the men in this place and they won't hesitate to grab at both"

"Speaking from experience are we?" Rynn laughed one eye brow raised.

"Haha, after a few broken fingers here and there they got the idea. I'm Isabella previously Captain Isabella sadly without my ship the title rings a bit hollow... you know you might be just what I'm looking for to solve a little problem I have."

"Can't anyone fix their own lives around here?" Rynn asked sarcastically

"Must be something in the water" Isabella shrugs "someone from my past has been bothering me; I've arranged for a duel, if I win he leaves me alone, but I don't trust him to play fair."

"I think I could manage watching your back" Rynn flirts

"Ha, I'll bet, I've arranged to meet him in Hightown after dark, meet me there." Isabella purred walking away.

"Friend of yours?" Anders asked one eyebrow raised.

"Hmm, it's a job, Rynn replied grabbing a tray containing four bowls from the bar "Follow me, were all in Varric's quarters to discuss the evenings plans."

Avaline looks up from her spot at the table, giving Rynn a glare that says why is he here. Varric greets them "what was all that about?"

"So after we rescue Donnic I've got another job for us tonight, we're going to watch the back or a buxom pirate wench." Rynn grinned putting the tray on table and grabbing a bowl of stew and a drink then taking her seat, she points to the bowls and says help yourself.

"You're going to trust a pirate?" Avaline gives Rynn a suspicious look

"Well, it's a job I will be getting paid… and she can't say she doesn't have the coin, she was wearing enough jewelry." Rynn cautiously replied

Ah hu, I saw her Hawke and just maybe your looking to get paid in another way" Varric Winks

"Ha… as interesting as that might be, I need the coin more," Rynn grins at Varric

"Besides Hawke prefers the tall dark, steel eyed, assassin types" Aveline chimes in.

Rynn almost spews her drink across the room at that. _How does Aveline know about Haldmar, I thought… oh Bethany._

"I hardly see the difference, assassin or pirate either one you could end up stranded somewhere with only your smalls…. or dead" Anders offered

"I don't have a death wish" Rynn quickly mumbles "just a stunning lack of self-preservation" she laughs looking at Anders who grins in return

"Aveline snorts "All evidence to the contrary on that death wish Hawke.

After wandering around Lowtown for the better part of an hour fighting gangs Rynn turns to Aveline "where is this Donnic fellow's patrol supposed to be?"

"Guardsmen Donnic is here somewhere in the foundry district we should be getting close to the ambush" Aveline reassured them.

"Look up ahead" Anders points

Aveline is already charging in that direction "let's make this quick"

Rynn runs up behind Aveline throwing a miasmic flask stunning some of the thugs, so that she can turn her focussing onto the leader, meanwhile Varric has sent a shattering arrow at the group Rynn left stunned. Another group of coterie thugs comes up from behind and Anders casts a tempest at them, before the battle is over Aveline is already going to Donnic's side, helping him to stand.

"Who….Av….Aveline, you're a beautiful sight" He manages to stammer

"Guardsmen" Aveline blushes.

Rynn turns to the satchel lying on the ground

"The seal of the Viscount, office details city accounts" Anders supplies

"Yes, valuable to a guild of thieves" Rynn suggests

"A sacrificial delivery, with one of our own, Captain Jevin will Answer" Aveline spits

"Yes but later, we have another appointment for tonight that is if Guardsmen Donnic is well enough to come along we can escort him back to the barracks.

"Yes thank you I'd appreciate that." Donnic replies now standing upright ready to move.

"Another night, another covert operation into the chantry." Rynn whispers to Aveline who looks less than impressed that they are here again. "I have a feeling your participation in my late night escapades with this ragtag band of adventurers is near its end."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Aveline asked coldly as she reached for the chantry door.

As the group nears the altar a man steps out from the shadows "Isabella, should have known you'd find me here"

"Tell your men to burn the letters next time" Isabella replied coolly

"Castion was heartbroken when he heard about the shipwreck; you should have let him know you survived"

"It must have slipped my mind"

"Where is the relic" Hayder snarled

"I lost it"

"Lost it, just like you lost the ship full of cargo"

"They weren't cargo Hayder they were people, and with that Isabella pulled out a dagger and threw it into the chest of the woman standing next to him.

"Here we go" Rynn muttered to herself unsheathing her daggers and running toward the archer next to Hayder. Isabella lunges for Hayder, Aveline has 3 raiders surrounding her, and Varric has slipped away to get a spot up high so he can see the whole scene and take them out from above; meanwhile Anders has backed himself toward the chantry door so he can cast spells from a range.

Rynn makes quick work of the archers who were unprepared for a direct attack, while she runs to help Isabella with Hayder Varric shouts down to her "Help your mage". Rynn turns to see Anders surrounded by Harder's men. Rynn rushes the group around Anders and before she can turn to backstab the nearest raider Anders catches her attention and mouths I'm sorry before casting a mind blast

Rynn feels it like the oncoming of a sudden headache, she forces her mind elsewhere and wills her body to absorb the energies of the spell, her mind relaxes and her skin tingles as she does this. The raiders are dazed, fumbling with their weapons Rynn takes advantage of this taking out the two closest to her while Anders finishes off the others with a fire bolt. He turns toward her "I've never seen anyone who isn't a mage able to throw off a spell like that, it didn't affect you at all?"

"of course it did" Rynn replies a little too aggressively, "you just gave me fair warning and I know a little about how to avoid spells" _this wasn't really the truth she remembers her walks with her father to work him explaining how magic worked and how she could absorb some of the energies so they affected her less._

Before Anders could ask another question they were interrupted by Isabella, who having looted the bodies, hands her loot to Rynn as payment

"So stabs first ask questions later?" Rynn sarcastically asked

"Trust me it's better this way... Castion won't hear about me from Hayder but he'll hear about me eventually, I'll just have to get him the relic"

"What is this relic?" _Please don't be something powerful and deeply coveted by all_

"I don't really know what it is, just that it's old and worth my weight in gold, Castion has me chasing it down as payback for freeing his slaves…" Sigh "to be honest I think he just wants me dead, but that would be letting me off easy"

"If getting the relic gets Castion off your back I'll help" Rynn offers receiving a sigh from Aveline

"When I hear anything I'll let you know, thanks for helping me out with Hayder, I think I'll tag along for a while… there might be something I can do for you, and I have a room at the hanged man if you're looking for company later" she winks and saunters off.

As the group walks down the chantry stairs Rynn nudges Aveline "Well, it could have gone worse."

"Yes it could've, I'll see you tomorrow in the keep" and with that she turns to head back to the barracks.

After wandering their way through the alleys of Hightown and Lowtown to avoid the Templar whom only Anders saw, they made their way past the opening to Darktown where Anders said goodnight and thanked Rynn for dinner. As they approached the outside the Hanged man Varric bid Rynn a goodnight. Rynn walked the rest of the way home in silence where she was thankful for a bed and the end of another day.

"So Bethany would you like to come with me to Hightown today, you haven't been out of this shit hole in days" Rynn asked hopefully eyeing her sister over breakfast

"Well I have been feeling cooped up and mother needs groceries." Bethany replied

"I also have to go to the keep Aveline owes me for helping clear the ambush and she always likes to see you"

"Then it's decided you will take your sister with you today, be careful and don't forget to bring groceries home" Leandra reminded her daughters.

It was a chilly morning as Rynn and Bethany left for the keep hoods up as much for disguise as to keep out the cold.

As the sisters enter the barracks they see Aveline talking with Varric in Jevin's old office

"Varric, No!" Aveline asserts

"You're the captain, or you will be, it'll be easy."

"I'm not petitioning the Viscount, to help you steal ownership of the hanged man"

"Steal? Madam you wound me"

"I'm about to" she points to the door as if to say leave now.

Varric turns on his heal and walks out waving to Rynn and Bethany as he leaves, "I'll be outside the door" he tells Rynn.

"Big changes are coming, huh? Aveline addressed Rynn "Captain of the guard…. Thank you Wesley"

A pang of guilt as Rynn remembers plunging her dagger into her friend's husband's body.

"That you keep his memory speaks well of him"

"He's not with me I know that. Wesley's at the Makers side or he's not either way he knows no pain.

"He seemed a good man, for a Templar" Bethany spoke up

"What I keep is that moment I won't let anyone down like that again"

"I can't imagine the captain of the guard will like wondering in my shadow" Rynn laughs giving her friend the most innocent smile possible

"I know what you get up to, and soon the whole city will be my responsibility, which means someone will need to keep a close eye on you"

"It's good that you can stay with me… I need you Aveline"

"You've been grad through all of this a true friend… Captain of the guard, thank you for helping me get here Hawke it's were I should be"

"I was wondering if you wanted to come with me later this afternoon actually, and I promise you'll approve." Rynn grinned

"We're going to rid our ancestral home from slavers and try to find our grandfathers will" Bethany supplied seeing Aveline's suspicion at Rynn's smirk

"Your right I do approve. Killing slavers is a good thing, Hawke."

"Meet you outside of Darktown at noon then."

With a slight wave Rynn turned to leave the keep Bethany in tow, they caught up with Varric on the steps down to the market.

"Rynn can we go to the Chantry" Bethany asked

"groan…. Ok you faithful little Andrastein" Rynn laughed

As they headed toward the chantry they saw the Grand Cleric talking to a man clad in white armor.

"Sebastian, stop this madness, the Chantry cannot condone revenge. Sebastian"

"It is my right, my duty, to show these assassins there is nowhere in the free marches for them to hide" and with that he began to walk away

"This is Murder" the Grand Cleric chides him, pulling the paper he put up off the chanters board.

"No! What happened to my family was murder he shouted back shooting an arrow at the paper in her hand and sticking it back up to the board.

"Oh, can we help him, Rynn" Bethany breathes

"Ok, but only because you think he's cute"

"What, I never said… Bethany stammers

"You were staring at him Sunshine" Varric provides

Rynn approaches the board pulling the piece of paper with the arrow in it off she reads it. "We are to track down and kill the Flint company mercenary band, you still want to help Bethy?"

"Yes it's the right thing to do, and he was pretty cute" she giggles

After visiting the chantry which to Rynn felt like it took all morning they were off to the Hightown market where Rynn sold the weapons from the raiders they had taken care of. As Bethany was admiring some of the shops Rynn secretly purchased some red lipstick, violet eye shadow and a stick of coal for Bethany's name day, she always liked dressing up and wearing makeup and Rynn was going to give her reason to. With their purchases they headed back to Gamlen's before meeting Avaline outside of Darktown.

"So do we know where we are going or is it to be another afternoon of trudging around Darktown" Aveline grumbled

"It should be just around the corner and to the left" Bethany replies squinting at the map she had scribbled based on Mother's directions.

they wondered farther into Darktown and when they were across form the steps leading to the clinic Bethany started to jog toward the alcove next to it "I think this is the cellar door" she said excitedly waiting for Rynn to open it with their mothers key.

They were barely inside the cellar when they met their first group of slavers; there were four rogues and one assassin. Immediately upon seeing the assassin Rynn charged toward him, stabbing out with one of her daggers and bringing the other in to follow, then slashing at him across her body, as she turns to hit him with an explosive strike he vanishes only to reappear behind Bethany who has enough time to cast a cone of cold narrowly avoiding getting stabbed, Rynn then hits the frozen assassin with the hilt of her dagger shattering him onto tiny pieces. Meanwhile Aveline has finished off 3 of the rogues and Varric has the other pinned while he fires one last shot into the man.

Bethany is avoiding looking at the corpses and notices something on the wall, she walks over to it exclaiming "The Amell crest, Mother described it but this is the first time I've seen it. Wouldn't it feel like something to live in a house with this above the door?"

They make their way through the rest of the cellar and up to the vault, after rummaging through the sacks and chests Rynn finds a painting, "Look, Bethany, I think this is a picture of Mother, she looks like you." she exclaims handing her sister the picture.

"I think this is Mothers Betrothal portrait, from when she was supposed to marry the compt, look you can see the ring." Bethany gushes

"You like it?"

"I Love it, my whole life Mothers always been so sad and worried all because of my cursed magic, I always wished there was some way to take that burden off her, it's nice to have a reminder of a time when she still knew how to smile." She smiles at Thera as she holds the painting, then goes back to searching in chests.

"Look this is it, grandfathers will, mother needs to see this as soon as possible." Bethany exclaimed after finding a folded piece of paper.

"Let's not waste time then."

Back at the hovel Gamlen has cornered mother and is asking her to pay rent when she exclaims, "you sold my children into servitude" this cowers him and he starts to back track saying maybe just put something toward food even though Leandra already does most the grocery shopping and the cooking.

"You should be paying us Uncle, we found the will" Rynn interrupts them

"He forgave you Mother, grandfather left you everything" Bethany explained smiling from ear to ear

"We have a home mother, a real home" Rynn joined in the excitement, glad she could give her mother some good news for a change

"They forgave me, mother forgave me" Leandra smiled "but Gamlen how could you?"

"You're the one who ran away Leandra, what happened to love is so much more important than money" Gamlen spat

"It is! I'll petition the viscount to rights to reclaim the estate, Maker willing you'll have your house back within weeks" Leandra beamed

"I can't believe Gamlen stole Mothers entire inheritance, I mean I can believe it, that's the worst part. I could never turn against my own sister like that"

"Bethy you're a better person than Gamlen could ever be"

"you know when we went to look for that will, I thought we were doing it for mother, for what she lost, I never realised how much it would mean to me, to know I had grandparents who didn't hate me."

"I wish they'd lived long enough to see Mother; us come home."

"Home that's what it is isn't it, we're not running away again we're coming home. How often we had to move because the Templars were coming I know how much you all sacrificed to protect me."

"No Bethy, not sacrificed, it was never a sacrifice, _because there was never anything more important than family never anything more important that you, and Carver_, I promised to always protect you and I always will." Changing the subject she askes "Can you imagine Carver here?"

"Yes, and he'd have hated it, all the sneering nobles, would've got into more trouble than you on the first day here, probably would've punch Gamlen by now too." Bethany replied a smile crossing her lips.

"Do you remember that girl in Lothering, Peaches"

"Maker yes, you used to tease him about her constantly."

"you remember that day they both run through the town square, half naked, Carver shouting profanities all that way to the cottage, well I may have slipped chilli powder into their clothes while they were busy…"

"You're terrible" Bethany giggles as she remembers that particular incident, "Remember what he always used to say?"

"First he'd give us the scowl because 'you girls are…a punishment, I don't even know what for anymore. Why couldn't I have normal sisters…or brothers? I'd take weird brothers over the two of you any day'." They say in unison.

"Did I tell you about the tattoo I gave him?"

"You gave him a tattoo?"

"Well it was a thing with the other soldiers and we couldn't decide what we wanted so we picked one for each other, I gave him a Mabari."

"Oh… I can see that, Mabaris are strong, protective and Growly, just like Carver." Bethany says, tears starting to sting her eyes. "I miss him even if he did used to torment me"

"I miss him too, although I did most the tormenting."

"Wait you said that you chose tattoo's for each other, does that mean you have a tattoo from him?" Bethany asked curiously

"Yes he did give me one too, remind me to show you sometime I'm not wearing armour."


	6. Chapter 6: Elves

**Chapter 6: Elves**

Rynn jumped backwards smashing into a shelf knocking it on top of her, while trying to avoid the Elf's large sword which was being swung around in all directions. Bits of a vase that had broken imbed themselves into the flesh on her arm as she tries to free herself from the clutter she'd just knocked over, "Fuck" she flings the shelf off her getting to her feet, daggers in hand she stabs the Shade closest to her. A Rage Demon appears behind her and before she can stab it with twin daggers it reaches one claw down her shoulder "Fuck_" I am so not having a good night _Rynn slumps against the wall content to slide to the floor, as her companions finish off the demon.

"Gone, I'd hoped, uh, no it doesn't matter any longer, I assume Denarius left valuables behind take them if you wish I need some air" said the elf as he left.

Anders walked over to Rynn and kneeling beside her, "Show me your arm" he insists, she does too tired to care about, well anything.

"It's been a while since I… OUCH", she glares at Anders who has pulled some of the vase out of her arm

"Hey, I'm not the one who fell on the vase I'm just fixing it, turn that glare on yourself or better yet the Elf.

"Anyhow it's been a while since I've fought with anyone who uses a sword like that, with Aveline as long as I stay on her shield arm I'm safe, and even Carver tried not to hit me, well most of the time."

"Remember, death wish" Varric chided as he looted the chests, not finding much. "But seriously this guy did set you up for some shit."

"Yea and he tore a man's heart out of his chest," Anders sneers as he pulls another piece of vase out of Rynn's arm.

"Really, I must have missed that part," she gives Anders a demented smile, noticing his long slender nose and the ways his mouth has turned up at the corners into an almost smile, and the way he is concentrating on her arm. "Anyhow what's done is done and we did kill slavers, and attempt to kill a Megastar, Aveline can't say I only take illegal jobs."

"That's as good a job I can do, without bandages, and I don't want to use anything in this place." Anders says finishing with her arm.

Outside the mansion the Elf, Fenris he said his name was, is leaning beside the door. Rynn notices, his white hair, falling around is angular face, with her boots on he is the same height as her, although he has a much slender build, if she hadn't just witnessed it she wouldn't have expected him to be able to wild the sword he carried.

"It never ends, I escaped a land of dark magic only to have it hunt me at every turn, it is a plague burned into my flesh and soul, and now I find myself in the company of yet another mage." He is glaring at Anders.

"Ah, here it comes"

"I saw you casting spells in there, I should have realised sooner what you really were" He spat looking at Anders. He turns his viscous green eyes on Rynn "You harbour a viper in your midst, it will turn on you the moment you least expect that is its nature"

"You're talking about a grey warden and a healer" Rynn began

"And a few other things but let's not mention those" Anders interrupts her before she could say anything else, as if she would tell this mage hating elf anything about justice."

"I'm not blind, I know magic has its uses there are undoubtedly mages with good intentions. But even the best intentioned mage can fall prey to temptation, and then there power is a curse to inflict upon others."

"Considering all the curses inflicted on us I think it's an even trade" Anders coolly replied

"I imagine I appear ungrateful. If so I apologize, for nothing could be farther from the truth….I did not find Denarius but I still owe you a debt here is all the coin I have as Anso promised, should you find yourself in need of assistance, I would gladly render it"

"Will you work with Mages?"

"Mages?" Anders asks surprised, she knows other mages.

"I will watch them carefully, if we travel together. I can promise no more.

"I'm planning an expedition I might need help with." Rynn answers dispassionately

"Fair enough, should you ever have need of me I will be here" and with that he left.

They made their way back out of Hightown Anders looking oddly at Rynn, trying to figure her out, when they reached the entrance to Darktown he handed her a salve, "for your arm" and left.

Upon reaching the hovel she bid Varric a good night, she was ready for bed, and her arm hurt. Everyone was asleep she carefully fills a bowl with clean water and grabs a rag, bringing it to bathroom, she lights a small candle so she can clean her arm and shoulder and apply the salve Anders had given her. After her task is done she crawls into the bed roll on the floor next to her sister's bed, glad for the end of another day.

* * *

"Good news Bethy, I'm taking you out of this place" Rynn waves her hand in the air indicating their dim living arrangements, "we're going to take Aveline and Varric up to Sundermount to take this amulet to this Marethari person" Rynn explains.

"oh a walk would do me some good and fresh air, and to get out of the city, where I can actually use magic, that would be lovely Thera" Bethany gushed; "I was starting to think I wasn't your favourite apostate anymore"

"What are you talking about, you're my sist…. Oh" Rynn's cheeks turn pink "you're talking about Anders"

"I've noticed you take him lunch and invite him along on your jobs, and you can't say it's only because you needed a mage, or a healer."

"But it's true; I definitely needed him last night" Bethany giggles at this "oh not like that… I'm just going to shut up now" Rynn stammers turning bright red

"You know, Thera you can admit you like him" Bethany beams, liking the fact that she can tease her big sister about having a crush for once.

"well that's only because well you don't know what he is, see he has this... how did he put it spirit of justice inside him, apparently they were friends and now they work together to free mages, only he didn't look too friendly."

"Oh…I'm sorry, I think he meant well, things don't always work out how we want them too."

"I guess not, shall we go meet Aveline and Varric and head out, to repay our debt."

As the group approached the Dalish camp they were stopped by two heavily armoured Elves, "Hold Shemlen your kind are not welcome among the Dalish."

"I was given an Amulet for someone named Marethari"

"How do you know that name?" The elf narrowed his eyes in suspicion

"Wait this is the one the keeper spoke of, enter the camp, keeper Marethari has been waiting for you" the small female elf beside him greeted

"Cause trouble and you'll meet our blades" he threatened glaring at Rynn as she walked past him.

The camp is small, it's not a big clan, there are what appear to be ships, only they have wagon wheels, there are also flags posted around the boarders of the camp, and few fires. There is an elderly elf standing beside a fire in the middle of the encampment, she has white silken hair which is pulled back into an elegant bun revealing a proud face adorned with gold tattoos.

"Keeper Marethari?" Rynn asked hopping she is addressing the correct person "I was told to bring you this amulet" she hands the older woman the amulet she had been carrying since Ferelden.

"Andaran atish'an travelers." The woman inspects the amulet in her hand. "Indeed I am keeper Marethari. Let me look at you," she beckons Rynn to come closer "there is a light in your heart human don't let it go out, you will need it. Now tell me how this burden fell to you child?"

"A dragon fell from the sky charred some Darkspawn and asked me to bring you this amulet, no big deal." Rynn shrugged, earning her a groan form both Aveline and Bethany

"You are blessed by luck then." The keeper calmly replied "The amulet must be taken to an altar at the top of the mountain and given a Dalish rite for the departed. Then return the amulet to me, do this and your debt will be repaid

"Are you going to teach me this right?"

"I will send my first with you, she will see to it the ritual is done, and when it is complete I must ask that you take her with you when you go."

"That seems a little odd"

"It is her wish and I must grant it, you will find her up the trail. Dareth shirol" she points them to the trail and they head off in that direction. As they walk a short way up the path Rynn can see an elf girl sitting hunched over intently staring at something, she approaches the girl.

"Oh I didn't hear, you must be the one the keeper told me about." The girls fumbles standing up. "Aneth ara I'm so sorry I didn't ask your name. Unless… It's not rude to ask a human their name, is it? I'm Merrill, which you probably knew already, I'm rambling sorry"

"You'll have to work harder than that to offend me, I'm Hawke"

"Thank you, I'm afraid I'm not very experienced with your kind. The keeper said you came from Ferelden. I spent most of my life there; we only came north a few years ago. Have you been in the Free Marches long? Do you like it here?

"I miss the cold and the dirt, Kirkwall's not brown enough for me, but hey no Darkspawn"

"Ferelden wasn't that brown the dirt and muck gave it character. We should go your task is for Asha'bellanr, it's not wise to make her wait."

"Let's get this over with"

They follow the trail up the mountain, after walking for what must've been an hour they are surrounded by corpses, which have risen from the ground, and spiders. Bethany quickly casts a fire storm on the largest group of corpses, while Aveline assaults three corpses. Varric is overwhelmed by a group of spiders, and shouts for Hawke to give him a hand. She rushes to execute a number of slashes and stabs in rapid succession to end the battle. "I hate spiders" Rynn grumbles as she removes her dagger from one of the carcasses. "The keeper didn't mention you were a mage." Rynn looks at Merrill

"All keepers know a bit of old magic, the stories tell us that all Elvhen once had the gift, but like so many things it was lost. It's a Keeper's job to remember to restore what we can." She almost sounds like she's trying to convince herself.

"Please keep turning skeletons into toads for us."

But I never…right not literally. I've done a little fighting before, but it was always alone, I'll try not to hit anyone, on our side, I mean… I'm babbling again, let's go.

Farther up the path the group comes to a barrier, it appears like a curtain of blue mist blocking their way. Rynn turns to Merrill looking for an explanation

"I can open the way forward, one moment" Merrill says determinedly as she steps forward taking a knife out, she slits her wrist with an explosion of blood against the blue mist the barrier is gone.

"I felt the veil shift you called something here are you insane?" Bethany asked in a shocked voice

"Yes it was blood magic, but I know what I'm doing. The spirit helped us didn't it?" Merrill defended

"Sure demons are very helpful right up until they take your mind and turn you into a monster" Rynn can remember her Father's lessons to Bethany and his insistence on good and evil, _remember Bethy your magic is to serve that which is best in you not that which is most base._

"Well yes" Merrill replied not seeming to understand Rynn's sarcasm.

As Rynn approached the altar an arcane horror appeared in front of her, before she had time to unsheathe her daggers it had her trapped and was draining her life, if it weren't for Bethany's winters grasp spell she might not have made it, weakened as she was she managed to backstab, the horror before it could drain her any farther, and Aveline charged in to finish it off.

"I think it's safe now" came Merrill's soft voice, "place the amulet on the altar and I'll preform the right"

As Merrill preforms the right the air above the altar begins to move, becoming thick clouds which appear as fire and lightning then they spin and begin to take shape, at first a dragon then as Rynn looks closer, not a dragon at all it's her, she is standing in front of the altar, the witch of the wilds, or Flemeth as she called herself.

"Ah, here we are, so refreshing to see someone who keeps their end of a bargain. I half-expected my amulet to end up in a merchant's pocket."

"No one wanted to buy it. Maybe because it had a witch inside it?" Rynn jokes

"Just a piece, a small piece, but it was all I needed. A bit of security, should the inevitable occur. And if I know my Morrigan it already has."

"You have plans I take it."

"Destiny awaits us both dear girl. We have much to do….. But before I go, a word of advice." The witch looks at Rynn, "We stand on the praecipes of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment... and when it comes do not hesitate to leap, it is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly."

"Cheap advice from a Dragon" Rynn answers haughtily.

"We all have our challenges."

"We're going to regret bringing her hear" Bethany warns

"Regret is something I know well, take care not to cling to it, to hold it to close that it poisons your soul when the time comes for your regrets remember me."

"As for you child" Flemeth turns her attention to Merrill "step carefully, no path is darker than when your eyes are shut"

"Ma serannas, Asha'bellanar"

"Flemeth turns her attention back to Rynn "now the time has come for me to leave. You have my thanks and my sympathy." And with that she tuned to the altar changing into a dragon, she flew away towards Kirkwall.

"What do you supposed that meant, 'I have her sympathy'" Rynn asks shrugging her shoulders. Bethany shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head in response.

Rynn handed the amulet over to Keeper Marethari "Ma serannas child, your debt is paid in full" then turning to Merrill "It isn't too late to change your mind Da'len"

"Dareth shiral Keeper" Merrill said, with a sad expression on her face then tuning to Rynn "I'm ready, let's depart."

They made their way to Kirkwall Merrill avoiding eye contact with her clan, a pained expression on her face; she looked as though she wanted to cry. Once they reach the alienage, Rynn gave Merrill an apologetic look "we're here, do you have someplace to stay?"

"I already have a house, I arranged everything before I left the clan, well the keeper helped me."

"Elgar'nan, is this, is this really where the elves live" she asked hopefully

"Not the prettiest part of Kirkwall but it doesn't have a view of the giant chains, take what you can get." Varric reassured her

Merrill looks away and whispers more to herself than to Rynn "I didn`t think it would be so….so….I've never seen so many people in one place before. It seems so lonely."

"Working your way up will be fun…uh…alright that was a lie it won't be fun." Rynn tried not sure what to say, _I`m the worst with comforting words._

"Some adventurer I am, barley set out and I'm already daunted. Thank You for your help. Will you come visit me? Not now of course. But maybe later? I could use a friend." And she really did seem like she needed a friend.

"Of course but only because you used that you kicked my puppy voice"

"Thank you, oh I'm thanking you too much aren't I? I mean it though and with that she tuned and entered the house they were standing in front of.

"Well it's still early." Rynn began

"No, Hawke, I have to be at the keep, now that I am becoming Captain I have to be there."

"Ok I understand Aveline, it's probably best if you don't come along for this anyhow, remember tomorrow night Hanged man."

"I'll be there" she shouted as she walked away

Rynn tuned to Varric "well you up for some action?"

"Sure not like I had anything better planned, where are we off to now?"

"Meeran has a job, so Hanged man to pick up Isabella and then to the docks."

* * *

As they walked to the corner of the docks they see a man surrounded by guards. "Hurt him, but leave him alive. We'll find out who sent this little rat…. One way or another." One of the men was shouting.

Rynn ran forward, to engage the man, unsheathing her dagger and plunging it into the man's throat she turned and sliced through another's shoulder, then withdrawing her blades backstabbed a third. Varric had Bianca out and was firing into the fray while Bethany was hitting them with a firestorm, and Isabella dueled with two heavily armed guards.

Rynn turned her attention to the man on the ground, Gustav, one of Meeran's. "H-Hawke, I-I 've seen you with Meeran before did he send you to get me. Harriman's guards killed all my men, I thought I gave them the slip but they found me…You tell Meeran I never turned on him."

"I'm not going back till you can walk limp or crawl behind me."

"I-I think can walk, you got here before they could do much damage. The rear guards saw us coming they fell on us from all sides."

"Which any professional would have expected" a voice said from behind them.

"That's him, that's Lord Harriman" Gustav said in a panicked voice.

"Most of my enemies would not stoop this low. Are you working for Conrad Tulli? Perhaps Lady Reinhardt?"

"What have you done that so many people want you dead" Rynn asked narrowing her eyes at the man.

"You sound Ferelden so you should know I'm the one who convinced the viscount to sending aid to Denerim. Many of my fellow noblemen resent that, they want me dead before he sends the money so they can reclaim it for Kirkwall. Will you kill me for this?

"This is not a job I can complete" Rynn reassured Harriman

"Thank you Ferelden." Lord Harriman shook Rynn's hand and left.

"I don't want to be the one to tell Meeran you did that" Gustav stuttered as he ran to report back to Meeran.

"Well let's go have a chat with Meeran, shall we" Rynn muttered heading back in the direction of Lowtown.

Meeran was standing in his usual spot beside the Hanged man when he Saw Rynn approach he folded his arms "So Gustav limped back here, but refuses to speak one word of what happened. Spit it out is Harriman dead or not?"

"He's being hunted for aiding my people. I will not kill him." Rynn snarled at Meeran

Meeran approaches Rynn he's inches from her face "I think you forgot the rules Dog Lord, once you take the job, you do the job, you'd better hope you never see me again, because it will be the last of you and your dammed family, no one ever crosses me and lives, Meeran threatened as he stormed off.

"Well that was fun" Rynn laughed, "So I will see you both at the hanged man tomorrow night" she winked at Varric.

"You bet" Varric replied as he took Isabella's arm and headed back for the hanged man. Rynn and Bethany heading for Gamlen's house "what's happening tomorrow at the Hanged man?" Bethany asked "Oh you know we're celebrating, Aveline's promotion, and of course it's your name day, and I want you to have fun, and it's a night for you not to be cooped up in Gamlen's hovel."

* * *

_Happy New Year! _

_I hope 2014 is even better than 2013!_


End file.
